Saving Face With Faith
The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to Him and are safe. Proverbs 18:10
TESTIMONY ...
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Going back over all the memories of the past few years has been rewarding and exhausting for both Donnie and me. Pastor Dave Harbin performed our wedding ceremony at the First Assembly of God in Calhoun, Ga. On March 31, 2000. Lajuana Reid and Michael Yates both sang. Michael sang a song he wrote especially for Donnie and me. It is entitled, "Now is the time." Leon Covington, my Georgia "dad" walked me down the aisle. Geraldine Easley and my daughters, Sharoll and Gina stood by me. Mike Yates, Leon and Donnie's son Kasidy stood with Donnie. It was a special day. In 2001 while at work I noticed that I was having a lot of discomfort in my chest. It was hard to breath. Sharoll and I worked at the same place and had to be there daily from 4 AM till 12 PM. I enjoyed the job but on that day I could hardly perform my duties. By the time we got off work, the pain was almost unbearable. We stopped at Urgent Care. They scared me. I was hooked up to an EKG. I was given a GI-Cocktail then given Nitro-glycerin. My heart beat was very erratic and nothing they did could regulate it. The doctor told me that I had to be sent to the hospital immediately. I told them that I preferred to drive there. After arguing with the doctor for awhile I assured him that I could make it. I got out of there and drove to the hospital. Sharoll was with me and she had to talk me into actually going to the hospital. I was sure that I was having a panic attack and that it wasn't something more serious. I went to the hospital and was kept there for over a week. I was readmitted a few days later to undergo a complete hysterectomy due to several tumors and cysts that were draining my blood supply and causing my heart to be affected. I was given 2 units of blood at 2 separate times. I have had low blood since that time. I was told, upon my last release, to avoid stress (yea, sure I guess they didn't know that Donnie's crash with cancer would take my stress level to the max!) and to take medications, including Nitro-glycerin. I cannot avoid stress and I do not take medication for this problem. I did take the medications until Donnie became ill, then my pains and problems were quickly put on the back burner. I jokingly tell him that we will get back to my problems once he is whole again. I often have a very erratic heart rate and chest discomfort and frequent panic attacks but they are usually brought on by all we have had to go through since March 2002. 2002 brought several changes to our lives. We moved from the 3-bedroom, 2 bath home to a small apartment. We were saving to get a home of our own and it was my dream to get Donnie a red Silverado truck. Donnie's dad passed away in January of 2002. It was very hard to go to Perfect Fit Industries to give Donnie that news. In Feb., Donnie started experiencing a LOT of pain in his mouth. We thought it was due to a bad tooth.When we went for his dental apt.on March 1, the Dr decided to pull the tooth. I could hear Donnie yelling in the waiting area. They could not numb his gums, at all! The doctor claimed that he used all the amount of medication allowed but he could not get it to numb. So they had to just pull it. Donnie dropped me back off at work and got his prescription filled. He fell asleep and I had to find a way home. It was late when I got home because I got off at 9 PM. (We had one car so we'd take each other and pick each other up according to our schedules. We both worked full-time jobs.) This started a cycle of doctor visits that have continued since that day. One week after having the tooth pulled, all of Donnie's front teeth were becoming loose. It was weird! When he'd close his teeth together, some would go forward, some back. It was impossible for him to chew. The doctor said the teeth would tighten up, they were loose due to having the other tooth pulled. They never tightened up! It was scary to look at. I didn't know what to do to help him. He was in pain and he was frightened. He could only eat food that he could swallow without chewing. I do not care for eggs! I never have. From March to November I ate mashed eggs, mashed soup, mashed potatoes and crushed cereal with Donnie. I refused to eat what he could not eat. I felt that it would not be fair. He appreciated it and it touched him that I would do that. Later, when his hair fell out due to radiation, he smilingly looked at me with his eyebrows uplifted.., I said "ummmm, no!" Donnie started feeling depression. We just didn't know what to do. Bad news from doctor after doctor, long work days, not much nourishment, the depletion of all our savings to pay for household expenses as well as for doctor visits and medication. Plus, the pain! He was always in horrible pain! There seemed to be no relief in sight! Donnie wanted relief from the pain and he wanted me to do something! I did not know what to do! I called doctors and begged them to help. They'd tell me that nothing was wrong with him but I knew that there was! It was frustrating! It was a very scary, confusing time.There were times that Donnie, because of the pain asked me to kill him. He begged me to do whatever it took to get him out of the pain. I told his doctor about those times and he said to imagine a dog eating your arm, inch by inch, just chewing it constantly. He asked me, "Could pain medicine help you with THAT pain?" The doctors finally came up with a pain management regime that helped him with the pain but not until after the cancer diagnosis in Jan. 2003. In Nov. 2002, Dr. Lee pulled all the loose teeth and performed a biopsy. A week or so later Donnie's gums started healing up. In December, our dear friend, Vikki Dodd gave us a Longhorn gift certificate. Off we went to Dalton GA. and enjoyed every single bite of the bread, salad, Renegade steak (the big one) and the potato. We started enjoying a lot of our old favorites again. On Dec 23, 02 Dr Lee called me and gave me the news. He said that he'd rather take a beating than to tell me what he had to say. He informed me that Donnie had a very rare cancer, Ameloblastic carcinoma. I called Donnie's best friend, Mike Yates and Pastor Tom Roberts to be with me as I told Donnie the news. It was a hard night. We had no idea on that day, or at all, until Jan 03, what Amelosblastic carcinoma was going to do to our lives. We knew it was cancer but had no idea that it was 3 stage 4 tumors and the devastation cancer would bring to Donnie's life, to my life. At this time, cancer was still just a scary word. The very next day, 2 weeks later than his due date,our second grandson, Collin was born! Donnie said that he thought that maybe God gave us Collin and was going to take him. One life taken-one live given. I refused to believe that! In Jan. 03 Our pastor drove us to Emory clinic in Atlanta. It was a rainy day. We had to wait for hours! Donnie was in a lot of pain and he was getting frustrated. We even had to wait for over an hour once we were in the exam room. Pastor Roberts and I took turns fanning Donnie. It was so warm in there. We were hot, nervous and tired. The doctor walked in, shook our hands then said that they were going to remove Donnie's nose. COMPLETELY remove it. (I noticed his hands gripping the sides of the chair) She also said they'd be removing the roof of his mouth and possibly his top lip, parts of his brain and all bones infected with the cancer. She also said they'd be removing his lymph nodes. Then, she shook Donnie's hand, told us to have a nice day, apologized for the wait, and started out the door. I asked her what we were supposed to do about the pain, she prescribed strong medications and scheduled blood work, an MRI and several other tests and then she left. It was a long ride home. Longer than the usual hour and a half (or more) ride! We were all stunned and no-one knew what to say or to do. It has been an extremely hard time for Donnie and for me. Saying that does not in any way express how hard it has been! It has been hard in every way possible. There are no adequate words to describe the emotional, physical and financial distress we have faced. You can SEE what Donnie has had to face. I cannot describe the long hours of pain he has had to endure. It has been so very hard for him.It has been very hard for me. There have been days when I felt as if my mind and heart couldn't stand one more thing but I found out that though it IS always hard to hear bad news and to go through week long days, God is an ever present help in time of trouble. He never seems to show up when I want Him to but He always shows up on time! My dad wrote a song entitled "Jesus has been with me through it all". It has become one of Donnie's favorites. It has become very real to us. Bible verses, songs, testimonies, cards and prayers have become VERY helpful to us. I have spent hundreds of lonely hours in our home, pacing and praying and waiting on Donnie to awaken, even if only for a couple of hours before he'd go back to bed.The cancer caused his exhaustion for the first 2 years, the radiation and reconstruction these past few years. Cancer has wrecked so many parts of our lives. We cannot share a room. While sleeping Donnie's sinuses pour down into his throat, when he coughs, and he often coughs through-out the night, everything in his throat comes shooting out as if shot from a gun. I have had to get up and shower because of the "gunk" in my hair, on my clothes and body. This embarrasses him so we have decided to have separate rooms until he is whole again. I still have to clean the furniture and the walls and wash his bedclothes every day. Cancer is an ugly word. I don't know that anyone who ever lives with it ever hears it's name without cringing. Donnie's ups and downs, physically and mentally have been especially hard for me to learn to deal with. I have no medical training. This has been a very hard thing for me to learn to deal with. Of course, what Donnie has gone through is so much worse but my struggle has been extremely hard for me. Were it not for God, I would not have made it! This is all new territory for us.We are still learning how to deal with all of this along with the every day NORMAL struggles of life. We still have NORMAL problems just like you do. Sick or hurting children, worry about grandkids, food, clothing, gas for the car, etc. Every day life goes on in addition to the problems of cancer. It is hard! I have learned a lot. No one knows the daily routine of a caregiver unless they have been a caregiver. No one can really know how you feel unless they have been in the exact same set of circumstances. I have yet to meet the one who has been through what we are going through. Though all are kind, no one really knows and that is hard. It helps when we meet people who have gone through similar experiences and we have met two others who knew someone without an upper palate. It is difficult, most difficult. God's grace is sufficient! I have and will continue to do all I can to help see Donnie through to total healing. I get tired, frustrated, nervous, worried, down and discouraged but for the most part he doesn't know when I feel that way. God ALWAYS brings us through. My job is hard. I have witnessed healings and miracles as we have journeyed toward Donnie's complete restoration. God has helped us when we felt there was no way. We have learned to wait. The job IS hard but by HIS mercy and grace I will help Donnie make it! To quote my Dad's song, "Jesus has been with me through it all. I praise Him for the time He's held me up lest I should fall. He's kept me going when I had no strength at all. Jesus has been with me through it all.
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